i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
