So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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