a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
