I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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