i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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