haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i already hear my dad disowning me
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
