Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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