the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
