My boss' voice literally gives me gas
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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