everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
