it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Randomize
