Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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