I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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