would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
