sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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