Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
