he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
