you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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