More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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