You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Randomize
