I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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