i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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