I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
