Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
