why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
