didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
