Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He did a backflip because drugs
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