He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
