Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
