Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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