Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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