seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
