Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
