Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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