i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
