Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
