If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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