You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
