I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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