Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
