he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize