Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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