well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
