the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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