break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
