would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He did a backflip because drugs
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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