you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
