I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
