she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
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