hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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