if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
