too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
