I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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