She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
