A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
