i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
