Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
