dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
