SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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