im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
