the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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