we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
