Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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