But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
