oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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