I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
