I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
