Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Less talking, more tequila
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
