The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize