No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
