The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize