That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Help. Why am I so naked?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
