no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize