do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
