so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
