worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
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