Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Randomize
