And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
