And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
