Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
