uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
